Never in a million years did I think I would be a military wife. In my mind it just didn't fit us, the home-body, semi-hippie couple born and raised in southern California. I always admired military couples and thought they were an extra tough breed but the topic never got personal. Until one day.
Sam and I have known each other since we were in jr. high but didn't start dating until we were 18. We dated for 4 years and both had various jobs and bounced around our local college, trying to figure out life. He started looking into the Coastguard, at first more out of desperation. He knew he needed a steady career if he was gonna pop the question and college wasn't really his "thing" at the time. He wanted something hands on. I of course hated the idea at first. I cringed, but told him I would pray about it. After resisting and crying like a baby but really feeling God's nudging, I told him "ok, I think we are supposed to do this". We both knew it was one of those life changing decisions, but it was hard to grasp what it really meant. Yet there was a peace in my heart.
After the initial decision, it felt like a whirlwind...and it really has ever since! The process moved quick and after we got engaged he was off to bootcamp. I'll never forget the phone call that told me we were moving across the country to his first station in Virginia! You know how you think you know what God's best is for you and then you are completely crushed and shocked when His plan doesn't match yours? That was me. I didn't want to move 2700 miles away, leave my family and friends, my comfort zone. I didn't want to step out into the unknown, because the unknown is scary and you feel like you have no control. I also found out he was going to be on a ship that was home for two months, and then gone for two months. Not the ideal schedule for a scared little newlywed, all the way across the world! (Yes, I was kind of a baby but God worked on me ok!)
It's funny even re-telling all of this, because I so remember how I felt. (I'm glad God is patient with us and lets us vent sometimes!) But now that we are almost 4 years in, I also know all that God has done in us and I would never trade it. In a sense it was exactly what we both needed for growth, maturity and learning dependence on Jesus. My intimacy with the Lord got to new level, because I was desperate for him. It has been sweet and shaping.
A while back God showed me a verse and it resonated so strongly. I was reading Romans in the message bible:
"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave tending life. Its adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'what's next Papa?' God's spirit touches our spirit and confirms who we really are" Romans 8:15-16. I ended up writing a post on this verse for a friend a while back, and it always feels relevant to where I am. I so want to live this way, adventurously expectant! Knowing God is bigger then our fears, bigger then the unknowns, and He wants to grow us. If we let Him.